Hello everyone! I deeply apologize for the delay in posting the latest article. I've been having technical difficulties since yesterday and was unable to post on schedule. However, the issue's been solved and I'm now able to get the latest post to you. May you enjoy it. Thank you for your support and patience.
---Louis
TikTok's Back...Just Not For Me
Less than 24 hours after the United States government banned TikTok, the platform was reinstated. Over 170 million users were greeted with this pop-up notification when they opened the mobile version of the app:
Of course, news about TikTok’s unexpected return was the trending topic across social media. Threads and Bluesky seemed to be the busiest. Snapshots of Chew’s “Homecoming” message were heavily circulated throughout both platforms, mainly by TikTok users. Most folks posted an image of the TikTok CEO’s message to raise concerns about his shout out to President Donald Trump. Others showcased the notification while asking if anyone else had access to the app. Beneath each original post were comments amplifying people’s justifiable caution/confusion around the entire situation.
I personally never read Chew’s Welcome message. I uninstalled TikTok soon after the United States government officially enacted the nationwide ban. I was watching a video on my phone when the footage was interrupted by this pop-up:
Intellectually, I expected this outcome. The U.S. Supreme Court threatened to prohibit TikTok on January 19th unless sold to an American corporation. The deadline hit and the site went dark at midnight. But expecting it was different from experiencing it. Witnessing the government depriving a vital network to impose obedience was unnerving. It yanked my spirit out of my body and replaced it with static that pricked under my skin. My emotions were then splintered and hushed by an armor of numbness. TikTok’s “reinstatement” further aggravated the feeling of needles scraping against me from the inside. And after discovering that TikTok’s Desktop app never went dark, I was done. Much of January 19th faded into mental obscurity. Along with thoughts of ever using TikTok again.
Model of Dissociation
I haven’t experienced this model of dissociation since I lived as Meeka. My Inner Former Self was a flesh and blood teen—around sixteen or so—when it developed. It became their defense against the worst of the bullying they endured at school and at home. Since then, Meeka immediately switched on this mechanism to protect themselves from significant loss. My Inner Children heavily relied on dissociation to survive their lived realities as formerly sheltered Black female-presenting people. To persevere through their daily life.
This time around, some of them reacted to the fabricated TikTok ban. Trump’s manipulative stunt reminded them of incidents of emotional abuse that unfolded in their histories. However, our recovery work in Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous (ACA) encouraged us to investigate such events. Doing so requires me and my Inner Children to express our emotions authentically using the reparenting check-in method.
Inner Children Need Hugs Too
The reparenting check-in method is a therapeutic approach that encourages complex childhood trauma survivors to better understand our triggers and our emotional responses to said triggers. When highlighting the ways that ACA members (or Fellow Travelers) can use the reparenting check-in method, Chapter 9 of The Loving Parent Guidebook states:
Initially, we might use the reparenting check-in primarily to work with triggers and address dissociation. While we cannot avoid getting triggered, we can choose to do a check-in to see what part of us needs love and attention. Later, we learn to do check-ins throughout the day. When we check-in, we interrupt reactive behavioral patterns and create new healthy ones. These moments are where freedom is.
In the case of the TikTok debacle, My Inner Children assumed Trump’s actions activated their dissociative episode. What triggered them, though, is that Trump’s emotionally abusive tactics are similar to those of their mother. Meeka’s mom confiscated beloved items to establish power and control, unconcerned with the fact that her actions caused distress. As activated as they are, checking-in can allow my Inner Children to feel and return to this body. It can also help them reevaluate the situation logically and with self-compassion.
I closed my eyes and took a calm steady breath. Hey Meeka, I’ve begun. I notice this body’s really numb. Whichever one of you’s upset, please come forward so we can talk and see what’s happening.
Without hesitation, my Inner 19- and 21-year-olds emerged. I figured as much. These versions of Meeka normally disassociated to this degree, as they had the most toxic world experiences. They wore solemn expressions as if awaiting disappointment but not looking forward to it.
We’re going to lose something else again, aren’t we? asked Meeka 19.
Why’s this always happening? Meeka 21 inquired. It never seems to stop.
I let out a sympathetic sigh. I’m so sorry about what happened to you all those years ago. You’ve learned that everything you loved will be taken away. I can see why the TikTok ban triggered some of your flashbacks. You didn’t deserve any of that. But no one’ll come between us. No one’ll take away the love and sense of community we have amongst each other. They can’t come between the friendships you’ve gained. They can’t take away our sense of strength and dignity. Meeka, You’ve been through it and have lost many things and people. But you’ve gained a lot more. It’s yours to keep, even your memories of those very moments. In the meantime, what can I do to support you? What can I do to bring you comfort with everything that’s going on right now?
I would like for you to give me a hug, answered my Inner 19-year-old. Though a stoic expression masked Meeka’s young face, their eyes glistened with unshed tears.
I wanna be hugged too, voiced my Inner 21-year-old, already brushing away tears streaming down their cheeks with the back of their sleeve.
I spread my arms and my Inner Young Adults approached me. I welcomed my Children with a gentle, yet hearty embrace as they pressed their heads against my chest. Without uttering another word, the Meekas unleashed their tears. Their bodies trembled against my arms as every ounce of suppressed rage, confusion, and anguish was purged from their spirits. They wailed out of their bodies the grief of remembering the unjust humiliation they were once subjected to.
Meanwhile, I held space for them as they underwent this ritual with impunity. I informed them through my sincere words and undivided presence that they weren’t obligated to relinquish any part of themselves on anyone’s behalf. Not even mine. I felt the armor of numbness buckle under the weight of my gesture; it was their trust in me that cracked it in half before succumbing to the Meekas’ unanimous flood of tears. I held them until they finally cried themselves empty. And when they got themselves collected, they pulled away. Their eyes were blotched with redness and Meeka 21’s lids were puffy. My Babies were exhausted. However, they sensed that their pain was witnessed. That they were witnessed. Heard. Supported.
Reparenting for Liberation
The TikTok drama was weaponized by the government to instill obedience and a false sense of control. My Inner Children immediately dissociated to avoid reminders of their childhood trauma. They meant well, but avoidance prevented them from deciphering the root of their reaction. But by using the reparenting check-in method learned through ACA, two of my Inner Young Adults were able to reclaim this body. And our progress is just one more step closer to liberation from historical and generational trauma.
In what ways do you check-in with your Inner Family?
In what ways do you do the reparenting check-in method to connect with yourself as a survivor?
Thank you so much for your support! Until next time, safe travels!